Oatmeal and Toast
by M.D. Owen
Summary: Raphael calls a friend and they catch up after six months. "I Remember You" funny one-shot.


_Again, another one-shot from the "I Remember You" universe. I've been feeling lonely and have been missing some good friends. I also needed some writing practice for Emyrs, and I like the idea of Raphael having a mommy complex and wanting advice. This is for fun, not to be serious or will spoil the ending to I Remember You either. _

* * *

Abigail forgot to clean the dishes again. _Conveniently_ forgot, her mother was sure.

As the water gushed from the tap and engulfed the sink, Emyrs peered out her small window and watched the trees swagger in the light wind. Summer was beaming on her part of the world, the fair old Deutschland, and the sunny days were quiet. Only sassy Abigail's voice bounced in her mother's head, as Abigail was hardly ever in the home. Emyrs was left alone with a grumpy cat and her _Der Spiegel_ back-logged subscription.

The dishes clinked in the soapy water and a quaint song whistled from the television. She hummed along to it, soon becoming familiar with its beat; when it ended, she was left alone to her stream-lined thoughts. The weather had been unusually pleasant. Maybe it was time for an out of town trip, just herself and a book or three to Hamburg. If she felt frisky enough, maybe a day trip to Berlin. There was a small itch on her palms, yearning for a chance to touch a firearm again. It had been six months.

Six months since the plane left the American skies.

She drained the water and weaved the towel around her hands, patting them dry. Emyrs smiled at their holiday memories and she missed their friends. She could go for a chess game with Splinter, a language lesson with April, maybe a bounce on the knee with Shadow, Casey was terribly good at causing humorous situations, or playing a video game with the Hamato boys. That dancing video game was a hoot; they rocked at it but she fell flat on her face. They failed miserably at karaoke.

Her thoughts almost caused her to miss the phone ringing. She wasn't expecting anyone to call, but it might be Abigail wanting an extra set of clothes or some more food. Flodina's date might have taken a dark road and she needed rescuing. Herr Fordon didn't have any explosions or a group of misfits screaming from his direction. And debt collectors. Those were the only ones who ever called.

By the fifth ring, she tripped over Otto the cat during mid-answer. "You stupid sausage ball. Hallo? I don't have any money or food ready. If this is Fordon, whatever happened to your teeth? Did somebody knock them out?"

"I got all of my teeth, Old Lady. I just brushed them." A thick American accent tickled her ears. That familiar New York accent.

She caught her breath, smiled and teased, "Does your father know you're calling long distance, young man? He'll find out when he gets the bill, Raphael."

"Well," his morning voice rattled, "I got my own money and place now. I got a job and some other stuff. How are you?" Sounded like he shuffled the phone on his end. "You got time to talk or are you going out to the range? Need to clean your kitchen? Watch the sky?"

Emyrs sat on the recliner and wrapped the phone cord around her finger. "So I guess I was doing all that stuff when you called last, huh? I'm sorry."

He cleared his throat and sounded more coherent. "Beginning to think you were avoiding me. I got a lot of stuff to tell you. Get your coffee and toast."

"It's five in the evening now," she chuckled and relaxed in the chair. "I've already eaten. So how are you and your family?"

"They're all good and worrisome as always."

She nodded and briefly stared at the tv. His husky voice brought her back to the conversation. "Leo's still working himself to death, and Mikey and Don are blazing through school. They're showoffs, ya know. They rub their papers in my face like I'm dumb."

"You're definitely not dumb. They shouldn't do that. Cut them up like onions."

"It sucks, but I keep busy too. Got a job doing odds and ends with some fellas. It's okay money. Leo says I should get on where he works, but I ain't working nowhere hot. It's already too fucking hot outside!" He stopped. "They ain't listening, are they?"

"Who?" She looked around the room.

"The government. Your government."

Emyrs playfully rolled her eyes. "The Nazis have disbanded, Raphael. If they were around, I think my phone line would be the least of their concerns."

"Hey, I hear about government agents listening in these days. Don't think they won't!"

Otto jumped in her lap and grunted; she flicked at his nose. "Speaking of government and that, are you still thinking about the Navy?"

"Marines." He sniffed loudly and moaned as he sat up on the bed. Or sounded like he did. "I'm not Navy material. Yeah, it's still knocking around in my head. I better make a decision soon, I guess."

A crackling noise fizzled through their silence.

"Well, what about you? Why are you so quiet, Fro Becker?"

Fro Becker, she laughed to herself. "It's Frau Becker."

"What? Hold on. I got a train passing through." Sure enough, a loud horn bellowed in the distance on his end. It was so close she thought it passed directly through his bedroom. He cursed at the train under his breath and then returned to the phone. "I'm back. Half deaf but I'm back."

She crossed her legs. "I've been good. A little lonesome. Abby is with her friends and on trips and then Dina is in the dating circle again. Otto here takes care of me."

"Put down the cat and go out and have fun."

The clock chimed from her wall. "I'm going out to Hamburg tomorrow. I know a couple of people there, meet up and have some coffee."

He sighed. "You're boring me. Where's the life in ya?"

"I'm afraid I left that back in America," she said, petting Otto. "You have my adventurous spirit tucked away in a cookie jar, don't you?"

"I could go for a cookie right now. About a pack of them." She heard his voice echoing. Was he... ? "Actually I could go for your baked fish and those fries you made. Remember? It was on that night we got back from the store." A sharp, loud noise echoed in his background.

"You ate all those tacos and still had room for the fish. You gave _me_ diarrhea." She listened closely to the sound of trickling water. Yeah. He was doing what she thought he was doing. "I must make you comfortable."

The water from his end stopped, and he nervously quipped, "Why do you say that?"

"Are you taking a leak?"

"Does that bother you? I'll stop but I really need to go."

Otto had moved on the couch and was licking the red cover. "Drain your bladder, boy. Don't stop on my account. Tell me about your new life."

Time wasn't wasted; he unloaded again. "I had a woman. I think I still have her. She hasn't called in a couple of days."

"Sounds like you have been busy." She hissed at Otto to stop his antics.

"I dug her, but Leo didn't. Doesn't matter. He didn't get lucky. I did!" Toilet flushed.

"Congratulations," Emyrs gave a thumbs up and reached over to swat at Otto. "How long ago was it?"

"Two days ago. Do you think that's why she hasn't called me?"

Emyrs choked. "Um, I can't say. What did April tell you?" She moved the phone from her mouth. "Otto, STOP!"

Raphael threw or knocked over an item. Sounded like it hit the bathtub. "I walked in on her while she was doing yoga. She told me to call the girl and then ordered me to get her a salad from Wendy's."

"Was she upside down when she ordered you around?" Emyrs held her hand over her mouth to muffle the laughter.

"Yep. I got the wrong salad for her because I forgot and my phone was out of juice. She said I would make a terrible boyfriend and she wouldn't call me either."

Otto screeched as Emyrs sat on his squishy feline body. "She's right. You should go see her, but don't make any advances unless she does. Don't be a window creeper either."

"I'm not a creeper." His voice wasn't echoing anymore. "What the hell was that on your end?"

"I sat on the cat. He was getting on my nerves." Otto was now long gone. "How is Splinter?"

He sighed, "Has his good and bad days. He remembers us most of the time so that's okay. I go over there every other day. He likes to call me Puppy and plays card games with me."

"I'm glad you boys decided to stay with him for now. He needs you."

"Yeah."

She listened to him grumble about not having any food except an old Wendy's salad and he tossed it in the trash. Probably when he wasn't looking, either. Ninja Fridge Cleaning and Garbage Tossing.

After finding some cereal and chocolate milk, he asked, "Hey, I'm going to send you something. Like a care package. I know you like coffee, house cleaning, and guns. Anything else?"

"Pictures. Send one of you and your girl if she keeps you." She giggled when he clicked his tongue and stuffed his mouth full of cereal. "I have some things for you, too. You like girly magazines, right? I got one from ten years ago that I found in England. It's pretty good."

"Ten years ago? Eh, that'll work. Why did you pick it up?"

"I had a boyfriend then, but when I came back from the trip, he told me he was gay and I didn't think he needed it anymore."

The milk gargled in his throat as he laughed at her and inhaled more food. "You can't win from losing. You fall for the wrong people." His spoon clinked on the bowl.

Items crashed in a nearby closet and the culprit had to be a fat cat. "I take it in my stride. Hold on. I need to skin a cat."

He didn't hear her request; his phone almost slopped into the milk and he got back on and continued yakking. "So if you're going to take another trip, New York is good this time of year. Hot and shitty, but it's better than winter. I can help with expenses. My place is a hellhole and there's a train as soon as you step out the door, but my place is yours. I know Princess PrissButt won't like it so you might have to stay with April again or maybe down in the lair, but you don't like the sewer. Don and Leo made an easier gateway so that might help ya." He crunched on cereal and waited a moment. "I think Leo's beeping in but he can wait."

Emyrs picked up the phone. "Sorry about that. I almost had a broomstick up my ass."

"What? Where did you go?"

"I told you that I had to skin a cat. You didn't hear me? What did you say?"

"Nothing," he mumbled and glared at his phone. Leo was persistently calling. "Can I call you later? Let me see what Asshole wants."

"Sure. I'll get your package ready today. Have a good one, Raphael."

"You too, Em. Good night."

The line went silent, but she smiled at the thought of having something to look forward to for her evening. Now, she just needed to remember where she put that magazine.

* * *

_So what would you put in a care package to your favorite TMNT character? _


End file.
